Saturday, December 06, 2008

Living My Dreams. Thanking God. Loving Life. Deeply grateful.

I'm in a spot I never thought I'd be in. I feel as though I am living my dreams. Right now. Right this minute. It's a very humbling feeling and I am so grateful. But I find myself asking "Why me?" Only God could have done this. Only He could have taken my beginnings, reformed them and allowed me to live my dreams.

When I was in sixth grade my dream was to write a book -.
-Now, they are both available on Amazon.Com.

As a kid, my hope was to escape poverty by writing. -
-Now, I write two blogs and do freelancing.

My hopes as a teen were to have a car, warm house and family who loved me. -
-My husband does. I think my daughters do too. If all else fails, there's always the dog.

Growing up there was no health insurance and I was sick a lot.
- Now, I'm still sick but we have insurance and a physician who seems to care.

I used to dream of a car that would run.
-Now I have one. Well, Hubby, the bank, and I do...

I could go on... The kid my mother said would never amount to anything has been recognized by two US Presidents, speaks in churches, signs books, encourages clients, survived being raped, somehow managed to raise two daughters with chronic health issues and tries to keep up with friends even though she knows she misses the mark - and wants to apologize for it.

My life isn't perfect. My family struggles to pay bills. I worry about the nonprofit I run, our clients, my friends and the people I meet. Everyone has problems. But, some way, somehow, God always sees fit to bring us through. To me, that's very reassuring and very humbling.

The home of my childhood was not God friendly. But inside I always knew that there was something better "out there". I just wasn't sure I'd be able to find it.

Actually, I haven't found it yet. Not yet anyway. Somehow, God has found a way to find me.The nobody. The one who was told that she would drop out of high school, was "too stupid" for words, who was told would rot in a gutter somewhere and would never, ever, amount to anything - God reached to this kid, in the trenches, the valleys and on mountaintops. He picked me up. Dusted me off and loved me. I have no idea why. I have no idea what's in store.

But, I know that I am living the dreams that I had as a little girl. All of them. Plus more and I wonder how that can be? Why does God love a nobody? Why does He meet our needs and fulfill our dreams?

I have no idea. But, I do know one thing, I am grateful for Him and glad I believe.